your room smells of hookers.
And success
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
