Say something about gay babies.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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