kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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