I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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