hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
