my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
