I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
