I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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