You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
