He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
