So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
