we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
