dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
