I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize