He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
