im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
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