even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
