Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
