She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
A bitchslap is in order.
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