Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
They should really pass out barf bags in church
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
