If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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