Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
