Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I have aggressive nipples.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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