I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
