TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
