you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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