is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
