I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Still dying that you shit outside
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
