Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
