i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
someone owes me an orgasm
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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