Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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