a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
