Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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