that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
