Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
