Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
