Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
