i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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