Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
