i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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