probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
