Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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