I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
