Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
