Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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