I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
