I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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