from now on my penis is your penis
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
