I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize