The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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