Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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