Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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