wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
