the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I party with great urgency now.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
