Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
