Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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