The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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