i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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