i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize