Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Fuck appropriateness.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
