Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
