Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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