first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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