Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
