But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
