Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
