He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
