is your mom at the bar?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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