I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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