I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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