Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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