oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize