why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
