i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
