I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
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