sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize