Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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