remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
