I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
