Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
