you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize