Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
