I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just pee around me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm too high and old for this...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize