My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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