he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
