Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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