My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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