i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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